What do you say to someone?

Sunday November 4th at 9:56p.m., my husband's best friend and fellow firefighter killed himself. Not only did he take his own life, but took the life of his wife.....mother of his child. And I honestly don't know if I will look at life quite the same again.

If you've caught the news at all (it's been on CNN!) this week, you may have heard the news, rumors, gossip being slung like deep black mud by the media. Hell, they probably heard about the "Murder/Suicide" in some far off country where they talk in clicks and snaps! Yes, a firefighter of almost 13 years....public safety officer of 7 SNAPPED! Somewhere something inside him said he'd had enough and after shooting his wife at least twice, killing he instantly, he turned the gun on himself.

How in the hell do you mourn someone that you've known for so long after doing something that tragic to someone else. Kevin, we called him Doogie, has been a friend to my son, backed my husband up in fires and played "Sparky" for the kids in the schools for the last 13 years. Yet in the blink of an eye, you take away the fact that you really didn't know this person at all.

His parent.......oh...my...god...his parents. Joel and I went to visitation on Wednesday night. To look his parents in the eye was on of the hardest things of all. What do you say in a situation like this. Nothing in my many years has prepared me to face his parents like this. We hugged them, listened to them sob on our shoulder and moved on. They wanted so many things for the funeral that a firefighter and police officer should have had to honor him with......yet in the blink of an eye, bad judgment caused all of their dreams of a hero's funeral to become a nightmare. We, Otsego's finest, were not allowed to do anything for him. No truck, no procession....can't even wear their dress uniforms to the funeral.

What causes something like this? What, in his mind and heart of hearts, was bad enough that he left all of his friends and family holding the bag...so to speak? The only 2 people that know this are no longer able to tell us and that sucks!

I'm not going to say anymore, I simply cannot. But, to you.....my very sweet friends, and you all know who you are. I love you. Please take every day as if it's the best day of your life....and remember to tell those poeple that are special to you that you love them.

XO
Laurio